The death of loved ones is a big test for any person. Parting with someone you loved, with whom you spent time, who meant a lot in your life, brings pain and suffering. The loss of a parent, child, spouse, brother, sister.. people go through this one way or another. Sometimes they may not survive the grief or their lives may change dramatically. Become dark and dull.
The religion of the Most High Allah gives answers to all the questions that a person faces. Trials are an integral part of life, which depends entirely on the will of the Allah. It is Allah who gives people the test of His wisdom and knowledge. Merciful and Gracious, knowing all the subtleties of the human soul, He does not give people tests that they cannot pass.
Everybody reacts to death in a different way and employs personal coping mechanisms for grief. Research shows that most people can recover from loss on their own through the passage of time if they have social support and healthy habits. It may take months or a year to get over the loss. There is no certain period of time for someone to grieve.
Grieving people may find it helpful to use some of the following advices to help them cope with the loss:
1. Patience
One of the things to hold onto when a loved one passes away is to be patient. However, it is exactly the trait that enables a Muslim to show his reliance upon the decree of Allah at what has transformed before his/hers eyes, knowing that Allah never burdens a soul more than it can take and He will surely compensate the loss with something better. But note that being patient doesn’t mean we can’t cry or feel sad, because our own Prophet (PBUH) had tears in his eyes when his son Ibrahim passed away.
2. Write an “unsent letter” to the person you are grieving for
Take a pen and paper and try to describe as fully as possible all that you feel and what he/she meant to you, what exactly you miss, what went with him/her, and even, perhaps, how angry you are that he / she left you.
It is believed that the dead are “either good or nothing”. But when we love someone, we feel the whole range of feelings, so it is appropriate to be honest first of all with yourself and to name everything that you really feel.
3. Remember that you can benefit the deceased
The Messenger of Allah (s.a.) said that after death, a Muslim will not take anything with him except his deeds. However, we still have the opportunity to benefit those who have left this world.
The first thing, you can do to benefit the deceased is Sadaqah. If you give alms in the name of a Muslim relative who has passed away, Insha’allah reward will reach him.
A woman said: Messenger of Allah, my mother suddenly died; if it had not happened, she would have given sadaqah (charity) and donated (something). Will it suffice if I give sadaqah on her behalf? The Prophet (PBUH) said: Yes, give sadaqah on her behalf.
(Sunan Abi Dawud, Book 18: Hadith 20)
The second thing to do is Dua. When our loved ones are alive, they make Duas for us and now when they have moved on to the next world, they are reliant upon our Duas. The prayers of righteous children benefit the deceased, so their sins can also be forgiven. This also includes reading the Quran for the deceased. Although reading the Quran by any person can benefit the deceased, if one of their children does it, the deceased receives a great reward.
